PROJECT SWEETBEAST: CHAPTER 1
PART I: RANGY DOCTOR
( ooc. [va: ] means a viewer has asked this, all different people, this is the interactive parts. everything else is written by me. ooc means out of character. )
< NUNTII DEVICE TEST v.X1002 >
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SEARCHING FOR CONNECTIVITY
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EXTERNAL STIMULUS NEEDED
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CONNECTION STATUS: WEAK
[va: . HELLO ]
< NUNTII DEVICE TEST v.X1002 >
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CONNECTION FOUND.
[va: hello? who’s there? ]
< NUNTII DEVICE TEST v.X1002 >
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USER INTERVENTION SECURED.
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X@&#$R*#-No way. It's- there's no reason why this should work now of all times. Must be an error. Heavens, I need to sleep.
[v.a. Hello? Is anyone there? ]
< NUNTII DEVICE TEST v.X1003 >
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[???] Oh. Oh! Oh, we’re online!! I really wasn’t dreaming!! Alright, protocol, protocol, protocol… Could this really be-Ahem- hello? Hello? Is anyone listening? Can you respond? Can you hear me? (…Goodness, if this really is happening…)
[va: hi!! hello :] ]
< NUNTII DEVICE TEST v.X1003 >
[???] Great news!! Hello there! Sorry, this may be very confusing. I would be too if I were in your shoes. First of all, may I ask where I ended up broadcasting this to? And how many of you there are? I have a sneaking suspicion I may have landed. FAR off from here. Ha. Ha ha.
…
[va: You're being broadcasted on this funky website! as to how many peoples are seeing this... I'm not sure lol there are A LOT of people here, hopefully, that doesn't bother you too much haha!]
< NUNTII DEVICE TEST v.X1003 >
[???] Ah, a website! I think that works just fine. I have never heard of it though… So I think I may be right. And that does not bother me at all! I will have to get over my nerves, I feel a bit in the spotlight. Ha ha. … Anywho, in short, I- Hm. I am broadcasting this from somewhere far away. An alternate dimension of sorts, I would call it. I have been trying to perfect this device for quite a while now. But now, I can tell you all about it! I- er, I have a sort of problem on my hands. But I will not overwhelm you. For now, i’ll take things slowly. Perhaps an introduction is best. One moment.
… Drat! I misplaced my camera. Pardon. I think i’ll have to draw a crude self portrait.
[???] Here we are! Did that work? Excuse my chicken scratch. I promise I don’t look as dreadful in person.
Hello all! I hope to be good friends with you in the future. I will try to connect and inform you of the situation as best I can without overwhelming you. Please feel free to ask any questions.
My name is Dr. Hazard. I am a researcher and surveyor of the infamous portal anomalies that happen in my hometown. Except now… Well. Let’s just say I‘m a man who is a little. Closer to my field of study. Ha ha. …
[DR. HAZARD:] Now, I live inside the world these portal systems connect to, a sort of limbo where all the anomalies, phenomenon, supernatural occurrences, and everything wrong go to keep the rest of the world running smoothly without any problems. We call it the Lost and Found.
[va: it worked!! by the way, since you're not from our dimension, are you human? you look like you may be, but doesn't hurt to ask! (unless it's a sensitive topic over there, in which case... oops. sorry!) we're all human over here. as far as i know, anyway!]
[DR. HAZARD:] I can‘t say i’ve ever heard of that species here. And do not worry! I would be curious myself if I were in your shoes :] . In the world I live in, we are all called madgers. We look very diverse, but in general we are bipedal and have thumbs, we can have fur, feathers, scales, or skin, and the majority of us have tails. Even though we look drastically different we are physiologically quite similar, but depending on our traits we are grouped into different aspects, which is whatever animal we resemble. I would assume you have animals there as well? If not I can explain. For example, there is an animal here called a rabbit, and someone could have a rabbit aspect. But we are all the same in the end.
I would explain what aspect I myself am but. There are, ha, complications. I don‘t think I would be a very good model of a “normal” madger, partially due to the effects portal travel has on my species and partially… Ah let’s not worry about it now :] . Its too confusing to explain right now.
[va: Oh, that’s very cool! Is there any way for us to get into this “portal network?”]
[DR. HAZARD:] Ah, yes! They’re very fascinating! But I highly doubt that would be possible. This portal network is only accessible to my own world for a myriad of reasons. I will make a helpful diagram later :] .
But… even if so, I would advise against it. Portal travel is inherently dangerous. Firstly, once you go in, you get… transformed. To put it shortly. Madgers can handle it for the most part and remain healthy. We are adaptable. Very adaptable. Our diversity in body types and appearances may play a role in us being so shockingly well-suited to life in the Lost and Found. But in a situation if somehow, hypothetically, a “human” was to do this, it could be disastrous. So I would advise you to stay safe! :] . Even if I am a hypocrite. Ha ha.
[va: oh wow!! we’re pretty similar actually, except that humans can’t have scales or feathers. for most, human hair is also only thick enough to fully cover the skin in a couple areas (most notably in the scalp). we have animals here though! and we actually have rabbits specifically! small animals with fur and long ears and powerful hind legs, right? (at least, they’re small here) oh, and humans don’t have tails, either! never longer than a couple extra vertebrae, anyway.]
[DR. HAZARD:] Ah, thank you, that is very helpful to know! :]
Shocking that we are so similar, especially down to our animals. Hm. Maybe we are closer than I previously thought? Perhaps our worlds diverged from the same beginnings, that is the only explanation for having the same animals. It would be too much of a coincidence otherwise. What an interesting thought. Thank you for the explanation, friend! :]
[va: What kind of anomalies? Are they dangerous or just really random and weird?]
[DR. HAZARD:] Both! But mostly the latter. Anomalies these days are hardly dangerous, just things like… a mug clipping through a wall or something floating for no reason or some sort of weird unnatural critter. Just random, harmless weird happenings. :]
In the past, I believe they were more dangerous, however. There are lots of dangers in the Lost and Found. I think that may be the reason this place came to be in the first place- because there needed to be a way to keep the danger away from the normal world. How did this happen- or Who made this happen- is still a subject of debate.
These days, most dangers come from more people coming in irresponsibly, not from the natural world.
[va: coming in irresponsibly to the lost and found?]
[DR. HAZARD:] Yes, well. If one was to purposefully open a portal and go in of their own volition, it would be irresponsible because it could stay open and endanger others. It is quite a big deal, after all, ha ha, since once you go in you cannot return to the normal world and will be permanently transformed.
[va: Sorry to pry, but what kinds of changes do living beings go through due to portal travel? Does it affect inanimate objects as well?]
[DR. HAZARD:] Let me find my old infographic about Lost and Found life about it. It explains it easier than I could. As for inanimate objects, there’s minimal changes. Sometimes the colors are different or the edges and seams become shaped differently.
[DR. HAZARD:] A little beat up, but still legible I hope?
[va: ohh that's so cool! so are you a maskie, then? (if that's ok to ask!) (also, interesting to note that we both have cartoons, and even the same concept of 'cartoon physics' in them!!) ]
(speaker box is removed for this part on since there is only one character atm.)
I indeed am! :] One day now i’ll find that camera. And you’re right, it is interesting! How things keep lining right up! Curious. Its a small world. (World-s??)
[va: So, if I can ask, why did you make this device to contact outsiders..? If you have these portals then why would you need a device?]
Well, the portals here are. One way. You cant really send any messages between. Once you come to the Lost and Found, this is your newfound home. I needed help somehow, but since there’s no way for me to contact the flipside, I started looking for help.. in Other places. Ha ha.
[va: Can you tell me more about the world you come from? The way different species interact, the size of your planet, and the number of moons your planet possesses are mainly what I'm curious about at the moment]
(ooc: it is about the same size as Earth.)
Oh, sure! Erm. I’m not exactly sure how to describe how species interact, they survive and eat eachother and do as they would. Running about in the wilds. If you mean how WE interact with them, some we keep for companionship or food. Usually we see animals with our same aspects as similar to us, but theres no strong connection, as they’re not sentient. I’m not sure of the exact size of our planet, but it’s much smaller than our star. And the lost and found is composed of a land mass about 1/5 the size of our planet in the middle of a ocean. There may be more land, but it’s unclear for now. And we have only one moon! :]
[va: id be worried if it were BIGGER than your star, ha!]
True! I don’t think I could be talking to you all if that was so. Ha. :]
[va: you seemed startled when you managed to reach us, how long have you been trying to contact someone?]
Heavens, how long HAS it been… Maybe five years? It’s been some time.
[va: oh!! um, im not sure how much we can help from over here, but- what do you need help with?]
I will find a way so all of you people can help out somehow. I have other devices underway. I attempted this partially just to see how interworldly communication could work, and if it could work at all, but. In my world, there have been some. Happenings. Going on.
Something has put the Lost and Found out of balance, and portals are opening up more and more often. This could be disastrous. If all the anomalies and massive amounts of pure energy from here spill into the normal world, both of our homes could be… uninhabitable. To say the least. I think someone or something is behind this, and I need to find out who and why and how to stop this.
…
One moment. There’s an odd beeping sort of sound.
< NUNTII DEVICE ALERT SYSTEMS PRIMED. POWER INFLUX. REROUTING NEEDED. DANGER OF COLLAPSE. >
Oh no.
Of course, now of all times? And just when we met?
< REROUT IMMINENT. 20 MINUTES UNTIL RELOCATION. >
I apologize, all. I promise I will find a way to explain all of this and reconnect, but this device is highly unstable. I knew this day would come. My laboratory is on a high-energy hotspot, and the device runs on this, but I fear the Device has leeched too much from here. It has a built-in self-transporting mechanism that can teleport the whole device to a nearby high-energy hotspot. It will go across the Lost and Found to somewhere else and hopefully stay there to recharge until I find it. I have a tracker.
In the meantime, do not miss me too much. Ha ha. If you could continue sending messages to keep the device online so I can track it, it would be greatly appreciated. I hope to further keep contacts with you soon. And if not…. It was nice to meet you all. :]
Dr. Hazard
PART II: THE SCARLET COUNTRY
[va: So it seems we shall be discovered by another person… well hello new person, if you’re there!]
HNNGNSKMD£>>~{2{_8]:+:’sf&&*3(3))+::$’ekel{38884
[va: hello new person! are you okay? you do not sound okay]
[???]: DROP IT!!! SPIT IT OUT!!!! YOU NEED TO STOP EATING THINGS YOU FIND ON THE GROUND!!!
[va: hello? whose mouth are we in??]
[???]: -DONE WITH THIS!! I CAN’T HANDLE BEING YOUR LITTLE BABYSITTER!! YOURE A GROWN GUY, YOU SHOULDN‘T HAVE TO HAVE SOMEONE MAKING SURE YOU DON‘T EAT GARBAGE ON THE FLOOR!!
[???]: YOU CAN’T- ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?? I CAN’T TELL WHEN YOU GET THAT DOPEY LOOK. DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT WHAT I’M SAYING?? ARE YOU LISTENING?? DO YOU HAVE ANY DIGNITY FROM PUTTING ANYTHING YOU SEE IN YOUR MOUTH?? YOU’RE LIKE A GODDAMN TODDLER!!
[??? 2]: Hey wait dude, check it! I think this little whatsit is yellin’ at me too!! It’s beepin’ up a storm, dawg!
[???]: YOU- What?? God, I KNEW you weren’t listening!!
[??? 2]: One sec, one sec!! I think there’s someone talkin’ on here!!
[va: Hello, hello!! You can hear us? Great!! What’s happening and why were we in that mouth??]
The big beastly guy who tried to eat the device held it in his giant grubby paws and wiped the slobber off of it.
[??? 2]: Oh zap!! There are little men in here!! What’s up, little dudes?? Are you like. For real for real?? Did some fella just drop his phone on the ground?? LOL it would’ve been funny if I ate you guys. That would be SO funny dude.
[???]: (NO IT WOULDN’T??)
[??? 2]: LOL Anywayz. I like to eat shit I find anywhere, little dudes, and YOU just happened to be what I found today. Love to chomp, yanno. Fun as hell. Couldn’t live without it. It’s my lifestyle.
[???]: YEAH, A BAD ONE!! I swear to god, one day you’re going to ACTUALLY eat a phone and keel over and die from stomach poisoning and im gonna be too tired to dig your big dumb butt a grave.
The bigger one shrugged and laughed a growly laugh, playfully shoving the smaller one and baring his teeth.
[va: Hello! Who might you two be?]
[GRIMLEY:] ‘Zup little phone dudes. Names Grimley. The slickest casanova you bros’ll lay eyes on in this big ol’ town. B]
[BEGAL:] …I’m Begal.
[va: did we at least taste good? :O ]
[GRIMLEY:] NAH!! TASTED LIKE PENNIES!!! BUT NICE TO CHEW ON B]
[va: are you guys friends or is it a more ‘stuck together’ situation?]
[BEGAL:] Oh, one HUNDRED percent the latter. You think I would willingly stick with this freakshow?
[GRIMLEY:] Bagel buddy’s being my little tour guide bromie. How sweet of em to show me around town, what a charmer~~
Grimley nudges them with his elbow and wiggles his eyebrows. The smaller one frowned and balled their hands into fists.
[BEGAL:] Shut your comically large mouth. Thanks to the Farley Program, i’m tied to this lummox for who knows how long.
[va: oo, what's the Farley Program? we're from a different dimension, by the way!]
[GRIMLEY:] HA From a what now???
[BEGAL:] They’re just messing with us, buddy. How do you not know what it is, it’s only the whole program they’ve established in the Lost and Found. If you don’t know what that is, it’s your problem.
[GRIMLEY:] It’s the. The thing where that dude Farley pairs up newbies like me with seasoned old maskies so they can show us the ropes of livin’ in this spot. Pretty smart of em!! He also gets guys to go wrangle the Beasts. Those guys are real ones. Got them to thank for me being here. They’re my homies. My homeboys.
[BEGAL:] (You don’t even know any of them??)
[va: So where are we at the moment? Kind of hard to tell from the yellow background…”
[BEGAL:] Well, people in this random piece of tech we picked up, me and the big lug are headed to the big city. It’s his first time. Gonna pick up some supplies and show him more of the big wide world for his little tour, I guess. We’ll be at the entrance in a couple minutes.
The two walked on through a dusty, empty neighborhood under the red sky, full of sparse oddly-shaped trees and abandoned shacks. Huge billboards and neon signs with arrows pointing in the distance were the only colorful thing here. They all read, “THE SCARLET COUNTRY, STRAIGHT AHEAD!!”
As they went on, however, a huge mass of dark… trees? Buildings? Seemed to appear out of nowhere on the horizon. People also appeared, madgrems and maskies of all shapes and sizes, all chattering excitedly and ducking into a huge curtain, surrounded by yet more neon signs excitedly pointing the way to the entrance. The duo followed the crowd.
[GRIMLEY:] Hey dude, what- woah. Woah woah WOAH WOAH. DUDE. WHAT- WHAT IS THIS??
[BEGAL:] Stop gasping like a fish and just follow me in here. It’s way better inside, trust me.
The two pushed through the curtain, and then…
Welcome to the Scarlet Country.
[va: yoooo this is a neat spot! what’s the red stuff made of?]
[BEGAL:] Well, there are lights. But most of this stuff is… wood? And vines? The buildings are made of some kinda plant material. And these are big weird trees.
[GRIMLEY:] Thats an understatement, dawg!! These things are fuckin massive!!! What even is this place!!
The bigger maskie started laughing obnoxiously, spreading his arms wide and turning around, taking in all the sounds and smells and sights of the town.
[BEGAL:] It’s a Hotspot. Scarlet’s one of the bigger ones. It’s where everything great about the Lost and Found goes down. We should rent a place here for a bit so you can look around. Just make sure it has two beds, i don’t want you shedding and stinking up the bed with your musk.
They looked over to Grimley, expecting him to make a retort about how he actually smells perfectly clean. Instead, he was starry-eyed, staring at the city with his mouth wide open.
[GRIMLEY:] Sooooo….. what now, dude? Can we go explore??
The smaller maskie tiredly rubbed between their eyes and dug around in a pocket, sighing.
[BEGAL:] YOU can go explore. I’m going to set up a room for us in the meantime. And you can take this weird device too. I dont want it blowing up in the motel and giving me debt for life.
[GRIMLEY:] Aww, but what if it blows up with little ol me?? You really don’t care if my lovable mug gets blown to bits?? Brains and guts all over the sidewalk??
[BEGAL:] …No.
Begal pulled a stack of thick red papers out of his pocket, holding it out to Grimley and leaning back with a hand on their waist.
[BEGAL:] Here. Go run off and buy yourself some food. DON’T blow it all on shitty merchant memorabilia. And don’t get kidnapped or murdered or run over. Be back here by sundown.
Grimley took the stack and grinned, reaching for his pockets… realizing he still had no pants. He blinked, then just kept a grip on the bills, looking around at the sights of the city.
[BEGAL:] Well?? Don’t just stand there. Go scamper off. Shoo!
Begal turned on their heel, scratching their ears and heading for the motel.
To the right was a sort of restaurant-tavern, to the left was a pawn shop looking place, and further ahead was the main street and a giant elevator to the rest of the canopy buildings. Grimley swung around the device, tapping it with a big claw.
[GRIMLEY:] Hey, little bros!! Where should I go? There’s a ton of junk to look at. We can have a sweet little stroll together, huh?
[va: YOU SHOULD GO DOWN, MY FRIEND!! DOWN DOWN DOWN, BELOW ALL THE FLIPANINNY WHIMSYBITS OF THIS PEOPLENEST ! !! COME FIND YOUR FRIEND!! 8^] ]
[GRIMLEY:] …..Uh?? Bro? Go where now?
[va: you get to walk around without pants?! JEALOUS... we have to wear them all the time!]
[GRIMLEY:] Hell yeah, bro!! NO PANTS LIFE!! B]
[va: maybe we could look for things with pockets? up to you what it is, but it’s good to have something with storage space]
[GRIMLEY:] OH!! SMART!!
He looked around. The pawn shop he was walking towards seemed to be full of more trinket like stuff and jewelry, no clothes or anything he could use to carry things. So up to main street he went.
As he went by, people of all shapes and sizes littered the streets, spilling out of buildings, leaning out of balconies, speaking different languages and laughing and playing instruments he had never seen before. What a strange place.
He came to a giant tree of some sort strewn with lights, a huge hollowed out space holding an elevator. He waited in the crowd for an opening. Madgrems near him shuffled away awkwardly and averted their eyes. Eventually the lift came, and as it rose, Grimley could see even more of the city than before. It was huge. Full of mist and lights and bridges, it seemed to go on forever.
He got snapped out of his trance once the elevator dinged, and he clumsily stepped out, leaving him at… yet another giant main area. A sort of bridge platform connecting to other trees, with sidewalk-balconies and shops jutting out of the trunks.
The closest shop advertised fancy clothes. He could see another shop that might have supplies, along with some travel materials like water bottles and gloves, further down the bridge system. Grimley scratched his head.
[GRIMLEY:] Alright bros. Hit me. What now. The long scenic route or what?
[va: So you’re not just gonna question where we’re from or who we are?]
[GRIMLEY:] …Huh?? I thought your whole dimension junk was just for jokes? Are you actually meaning it, dudes? I mean, i don’t really care where anyone’s from but do you really MEAN all that?
[GRIMLEY:] …
[GRIMLEY:] Nah. You bros are just messing with me.
[va: nah, we're serious! by the way, this device belongs to dr. hazard, who i think is tracking it down also? so if a maskie asks for it introducing himself as such you should hand it over probably! unless someone would be impersonating him? which probably isn't likely, but uhh... he's got a radiation symbol belt buckle! so if someone says they're dr hazard and have a radiation symbol belt buckle hand us over probably, we're sposed to be helping him, i think]
[GRIMLEY:] Dr… Hazard?? Never heard of it. Sounds kinda sketchy thought, if your name was HAZARD and you’re supposed to be a doctor, yanno??
[GRIMLEY:]…So if I DO see him, why should i give it?? I’m guessing he made it or something? Huh. WELP! You guys keep me entertained. Might just keep it to talk to. You bros are funny. But. You guys really ARE from an alternate dimension??
[va: well ok! if you see him we'll start screaming!]
[GRIMLEY:] Got it!! You fellas really like this guy, huh??
[va: We do! He explained a few things to us upon connection, left a little abruptly though. Hoping he’s alright!]
[GRIMLEY:] Ah. Got it, little alternate dimension dudes!! Sounds like a nice enough guy!
[va: YA he’s pretty neat!! tho while there’s a moment, what’s your favourite thing you’ve ever put in your mouth? not necessarily food, i’m curious]
Grimley perked up, smiling widely.
[GRIMLEY:] Oh!! Oh shit, great question!! Um…. um um um um. UM. I’ve put a lot in my mouth in my life I really gotta think. OH my old pal used to tie a stuffed animal to a remote control car and drove it around the woods. GREAT stuff, man. BANGER!! Used to run around on all fours and chase that thing around for hours!! Problem is, we had to replace the stuffed animal every time. Nothing can stand up against my teeth!!
He puffed out his chest and laughed, showing off aforementioned ridiculously big teeth.
[GRIMLEY:] Other than that?? Tires are pretty fun to chew on. And meat. And scrap metal.
[va: Hello Grimley, what are you up to? Anything cool happen recently?]
[GRIMLEY:] I MEAN!! Nothing too crazy!! Just landed in the Lost and Found about a week ago, yknow, losing everyone you know and love and being transformed into a body you have no clue how to use and you cant go back!!! Pretty wacky and fun and silly!!
He laughed. A genuine laugh. He meant this.
[GRIMLEY:] No but for real? This place freakin ZAPS. Life used to be kinda boring and now i’m in this radass place where everyone can use freaky powers and junk and theres parties everywhere and you’re immortal. Sick as hell!!! Plus, I got to meet Begal!
[va: glad you’re loving it there!! i don’t think i’d really mind it either. i’m guessing you like being around begal, then? they seem cool, if a little prickly :) ]
He perks up. Was his tail wagging?
[GRIMLEY:] OH!! Begal’s great!! Yea yea sure, they’re a little bit of a grumpyguts, but they’ve stuck with me, yanno?? Nice to have someone that cares. And they’re funny too, when they’re not grumbling about not enough coffee or whatever kajillion aches and pains they have for the day. And they’re really cool!! And intimidating!! It makes me wanna bug em even more!! I bet one day we’ll be BEST bros.
He quiets down. He was talking a million miles a minute. He chuckles and sighs, then stares off nowhere in particular.
[GRIMLEY:]… It’s just. Nice to have someone who cares. Ya feel me?
[va: say what does this device look like to you? we can see you but not really the device we’re talking to you through]
[GRIMLEY:] It’s like a sorta….. big phone thing??? There’s a little glass area with glowing green juice stuff under the screen. Little antennae poking out of it. A couple colored buttons. The whole things bright purple and green.
[va: my bro my guy my MAN any sweet tricks you can do]
[GRIMLEY:] OH!! TRICKS!! Yes yes yes I have TRICKS!! This is a kinda new one I just learned, check it out bros!!
‘>€]¥…\RLLW AOL ILHZAZ HDHF MYVT WYFPUN UHBNOAF LFLZ@*#$;’
[GRIMLEY:] ISN’T THAT COOL?????
[va: HOYLSHIT WHTA THE FUCK QA SRTHTA thats so cool]
[GRIMLEY:] THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! B]
[va: Please don’t do that ever again unless you’re trying to scare someone off. That’s is, horrifying, to say the least.]
Grimleys goofy smile quickly turned into a frown.
[GRIMLEY:] Aw. Alright. Well I think it’s cool!!!!
His signature wide smile came back like the flick of a light.
[GRIMLEY:] Yanno, maybe I’ll use that if i come across some big baddie!! You’re right about that part!!
[va: yaaaa very cool trick grimley, whered you learn it if ya dont mind?]
[GRIMLEY:] OH! Anyone that comes here and gets one of those mask things can do it!! I figured it out because the first time I tried to eat something I tried to take it off and i didn’t know you could still eat with it on and Begal bro just started SCREAMING at me about how it could “cause irreversible damage” and “make you be guilty for countless deaths” and all this JUNK. Apparently you can get “arrested“ for that.
[GRIMLEY:] But I think it’s funny.
[va: ohhh, yea please don’t get arrested, we appreciate you a lot :) ]
Grimleys eyes widened, his smile faltering for a minute.
[GRIMLEY:] Little ol me?? You appreciate me??
He laughed a sharp growly laugh and smiled even bigger.
[GRIMLEY:] You bros haven’t even gotten to know me yet!! Little freaks!! Don’t get too attached, I might do some crazy shit you don’t wanna be around to see!!
[GRIMLEY:] You fellas are real sweet though. I appreciate you too!!
[va: so is the unmasking thing like a true form thing or]
Grimley cocked his head to the side, then laughs and pats himself on the chest.
[GRIMLEY:] True form?? NAH DAWG, THIS is the best form!! Truest form I could have!! Everyone wants me, look at this! I’m like a fine piece of meat!!
He gestures to his whole body, doing a gross smirk with heavy lidded eyes. Then, he snaps out of it, and he scratches his head and slouches a little.
[GRIMLEY:] WELL. I GUESS you could call it that?? That’s what I- what WE- look like if we don’t keep the masks on, I guess. But if we REALLY take it off, it’s not really… us?? It’s complicated.
[GRIMLEY:] But yeah, what I look like now is what I am. Best form. That’s just a different side. I guess.
[va: where do you think you’ll go now? 👀]
[GRIMLEY:] OH YEAH!! Probably to that trek supply store thing!! Maybe there’ll be a thing with pockets there.
He kept walking along the bridge through the bright city until he finally reached the store. Bags, boots, hats, canteens… All similar sorts of things littered the walls. He ducked his head to enter, ringing a little entry bell. Faces all around looked up at him, some inching away and giving him more space.
He stepped around, moving back the the aisle full of different bags. Eyeing how much money he had, he picked out a satchel that had a long shoulder strap- small enough to be convenient and not a hassle, but big enough to carry any junk he couldn’t hold himself. Perfect.
OBTAINED SCARLET SATCHEL.
He drummed his big paws on the countertop while he waited for the cashier to check him out, looking around at the knickknacks littering the checkout area. He spotted a box of candies with a smiling face of some celebrity on the tin and took those as well.
OBTAINED STARDROPS.
He put the stardrops in his new satchel, swinging it around his broad shoulders. While the cashier was writing down his name on a list of purchases, Grimley grabbed the device, holding it close to his face.
[GRIMLEY:] What now, fellas? What kinda stuff should we snag before heading back?
[va: oo what kind of candy is that? what does it taste like?]
Grimley scrabbled to open the tin, scratching part of the label off in the process. When he finally got it open, it revealed a handful of bright yellow sugary stars. He grabbed one and tossed it in the air, catching it in his mouth and crunching loudly, earning him odd looks from the rest of the customers.
[GRIMLEY:] …FIZZY!!! RASPBERRY, I THINK!!
[va: wasn’t there a spot that was selling some fancy clothes a bit back? if you don’t want clothes i totally get that, but there might be something kinda neat there :) ]
[GRIMLEY:] OOH you’re right! I don’t really. Wear those. BUT it doesn’t hurt to look around?
He backed out of the shop, thanking the cashier, not paying attention at the other shoppers who were giving him weird looks for talking into a weird piece of glowing scrap metal.
He hadnt taken three steps outside when he felt a hand on his shoulder and cold metal around his massive wrists.
He whipped around, and came face to face with four madgrems, all wearing a dark red tight-fitted uniform of sorts and professional looking caps, adorned with a bright purple and green star badge. One had a headset, another had a protective helmet similar to a welding mask, the two others had belts full of weapons Grimley had never seen before. They talked among themselves and began pushing Grimley around to a dock on the bridge, where some sort of hover vehicle was parked, bright lights flashing like a siren, the door emblazoned with another purple and green star. Grimley turned around, panicked, wiggling in his cuffs, stumbling over his feet as they shuttled him along.
[GRIMLEY:] WH- HEY!! WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK YOU’RE DOING?? WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA??
One of the madgers pushed him into the vehicle, shaking their head.
[SCARLETSTAR OFFICER:] Dont play dumb with us, big guy. You know taking masks off is against the law.
[va: uh!! okay!! not good!! do you have any way of contacting begal? maybe they can help idk]
The Scarletstar officers had shut the doors and were talking amongst themselves. Grimley began to panic. He writhed in his seat and was almost going to start biting the seatbelt, but decided against it. That would… probably get him in even MORE trouble.
He used his foot to nudge open the bag, then grabbed the device out of the satchel with his mouth, plopping it down onto his shoulder and leaning on it so he could speak.
[GRIMLEY:] YEAH UH, I think Begal said something about a bugged tracker activating in emergencies. Something about an emergency talking feature they put in really quickly?? I think I can activate it if I push this-
[Scarletstar Officer:] HEY!! What are you doing, freak?? Is that a weapon?? Weapons must be confiscated! Hand it over!!
The officer snarled, reaching behind the front seat and snatching the device away. Grimley‘s eyes widened frantically, and he wriggled through and snapped the seatbelt. With his free hand, he wildly tried to snatch the device out of the officer’s glove.
[GRIMLEY:] NONONONO- YOU CAN‘T DO THAT, IT’S NOT MINE, PEOPLE FROM ANOTHER WORLD ARE TALKING TO-
He hit the device.
And it fell out the window.
It fell down through the air, past bridges, past the city, down, down….
Down.
PART III: SMELLS LIKE STARDUST
[???] HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSYYYY????
(note: in the unedited version, this was green. in part 1, dr hazards name was always green)
[va: … well that’s deeply concerning! hello empty void i guess.]
[???] EMPTY, EMPTY??? YOUR TONGUE SPITS UNTRUTHS!!!!! THIS PLACE IS FULL OF FUNWHACKERY AS COULD EVER BE!!!!! 8^]
[va: hello??? ...dr hazard?]
[???] WHOZAWHATSIT NOW??? HAZARD?? IM NO RANGY DOCTOR!! 8^]
[va: oh, my bad! you sounded like you might be someone we know, for a second, with the.. uh... color]
[???] I LIKE COLORS THEY MAKE MY EYES HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
[va: what’s your profession then?]
[???] I’M YOUR FRIEND
[va: oh sweet :] do you got any like friend tips dear interdimentional professional friend? ]
[???] I’M A PROFESSIONAL FRIEND!! A REAL PRO!!!!! I WILL BE A FRIEND
[va: hi howdy!!! who are you?]
[FARLEY:] YOUR FRIEND FARLEY 8^]
[va: who are you? and where are WE?]
[FARLEY:] IM YOUR LITTLE DARLING. EVERYONE LOVES ME
[FARLEY:] HEY FELLAS YOU WANNA SEE SOMETHING REELY FUNNY
[va: yea show us!!]
(from a different blog) [FARLEY:] HO HO!!! HEE HEE!!!!! HIYA PEOPLE ON THE BIG SCREEN!!!!!!
(from a different blog) WTF I DIDNT POST THAT. HUH. YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT
[FARLEY:] OOOOOOOH WASN’T THAT SILLYGOOFY ????? DID YOU LIKE IT FRIENDS????? DID YOU????
[va: oh shit we're transcending layers of reality in here!!! hell yeah]
[FARLEY:] THATS WHAT FARLEY DOES BEST!!!!!
[va: i loved it farley!!! how did you do that?!? are you magic??!!]
[FARLEY:] OOOOWEEEE I KNEW KNEW KNEW YOU WOULD LIKE IT FRIEND!!!!! IM A CLEVER MAGIC BOY, THATS HOW!!! 8^]
[va: can you show us some more magic?]
[FARLEY:] TADAAAA!!!!! HOWZYA LIKE IT, CRUMBLETS???
[va: oh damn! yea that’s kinda neat, how do you do that?]
[FARLEY:] I DONT KNUOW LOL
[va: yea!! I’m guessing that’s you?]
[FARLEY:] EXACTEROO!!! ONE HUNDRED PERCENT FREE-RANGE FARLEY
[va: farley you are so incredibly a shape. why? why are you shaped like that?]
[FARLEY:] WHYYYY THANK YOU KINDLY!! YOURE MAKIN ME BLUSH!!! THE ANSWER TO THAT. IS THAT IM A SIMPLY SHAPELY FLIMSY WHIMSYBOY!!!
[va: heya farley!! are you beneath scarlet country? cuz that's where we were before we got droppppped!]
[FARLEY:] INDEEDEROO, FRIEND!! SORT OF!!!
[FARLEY:] SAY FRIEND, WHAT IS THIS WHATSIT IM TALKING TO MY PLAYMATES WITH??
[va: its a little communicator thingy]
[FARLEY:] OOOOOWEE!! WHAT FUN!! MAY A BOY ASK WHEREZABOUTS THIS LITTLE PASTERY CAME FROM??
[va: are there any creatures with you? besides us cool kids of course B) ]
[FARLEY:] IM A CREATURE!!!
…
[FARLEY:] HELLLOOOOSYYY???? ANY OTHER CREATURES CLIPPING AROUND AT TWO FRAMIES A SECOND IN THE INFINITE VOID OF THE 13TH DIMENSION???
There was no response.
[FARLEY:] OH WELL!! SEEMS FARLEY IS BY HIS SWEET OL LONESOME!!!
He suddenly perks up, tail wagging excitedly.
[FARLEY:] BUT I HAVE CREATURE COMPANIONS ON THE FLIPSIDE!! MAYHAPS YOU LITTLE LOAVES WOULD LIKE TO MEET MY BEST-EST FRIENDLEE??
[va: Uh sure! Also our other friend was taken away by the police and was trying to get us back but he accidentally dropped us and now we’re here with you!]
[FARLEY:] WOAH WOAH, BACK IT UP, PAL!! WE GOT THE FUZZ INVOLVED?? CAN I GIVE THIS WHATSIT BACK TO ‘EM?? GIMME THE WHOLE SCOOP, CRUMBLET!!
[FARLEY:] UM. PLEASE
[va: WAIT! you’re the guy that pairs up new maskies with more experienced ones, right? we heard someone mention you a little while back! neat :) ]
[FARLEY:] DING DING DING!!! RIGHT ON THE TAIL, MY FRIEND!! IM EVERYONES DEPENDABLE LITTLE GUY!! A LITTLE DARLING. I CAN HELP NEW JOES OUT AND GET EM THE NICE WARM N FUZZY FARLEY GRAND TOUR!!
[FARLEY:] THROUGH ANOTHER TOOZY, OF COURSE. IM A BUSY CRITTER!! PLUS, THEY GET TO MAKE SOME BUDDIES. A WIN WIN ALL AROUND!! TROPHIES FOR FARLEY!!!! YIPEEE!!!
[va: If.. you don’t mind me asking, what are you, Farley?]
[FARLEY:] I’M YOUR FRIEND, FARLEY!!!!
He turns on his heel and does a little charming pose, then twitches his tail.
[FARLEY:] I WAS MADE WHEN THE UNIVERSE DECIDED IT WASN’T HAVING ENOUGH FUN, SO IT MADE ME AND NOW IM EVERYONES FRIEND!!! A REALLY REAL BOY!!! HOW SPLENDIFEROUS!!! A LITTLE DARLING MADE OF PURE WILL AND ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!!
[va: did the universe give you your glasses too? i mean i can only assume so!]
[FARLEY:] IT SUREEEE DID!! GIVES ME EXTRA CHARM!!
[va: Does that mean that out of anyone, you've been in the lost and found the longest? Wow, you must have seen a lot!]
[FARLEY:] YEP YEP YEP!!! ME AND MY SIBLINGS!!! THE REAL “OH GEES”!! BEEN HERE SINCE THE VEEEEERRRRYYY BEGINNING!!!! AND I HAVE SEEN A LOT!!! ITS GREAT FUN!!! QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT FOR ALL ETERNITY!!
[va: yeah, the guy we were talkin to before you, grimley, he got arrested for taking his mask off]
[FARLEY:] OH!!!! GRIMEY GRIMMY!!!! I KNOW THAT FELLOW, I SET HIM UP!! I WAS HERE FOR HIS FIRST BABY STEPS!!! I’LL PUT IN A WORDSY RIGHT AWAY, THAT GUY IS GREAT STUFF!!
He pouted, tapping his tiny dainty foot impatiently.
[FARLEY:] IT SEEMS A LITTLE UNFAIRSY TO ME. GRIMEY BUDDY HAS BEEN HERE FOR NOT A SECOND IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF TIME, HE DOESN’T KNOW THE RULESIES!!
[FARLEY:] IT WAS NICE TO MAKE SOME NEW FRIENDS!!! IM OFF TO TALK TO THE BIG GUNS!!! MISTER DUSTY IS ALSO MY BESTEST FRIENDLEE, SO IT WORKS OUT FOR THE TWO OF US!! GRIMEY BUDDY PAL GETS A BAIL, AND YOU FELLAS GET TO MEET MY DEAREST PLAYMATE!! WELP!! IM OFF!! SEEYA, MY LITTLE BISCUITS!!
And with that, Farley did a little twirl and disappeared into nothingness.
]£{{£>>3{¥{~{~{}}}£{££{}}…{£{£>{££9}£3{>>>…]{£{{£
[FARLEY:] I’M TELLIN YA!! YOU GOTTA GO EASY ON HIM!! I KNOW THIS GUY UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL!!! GAVE HIM THE FULL FARLEY EXPERIENCE EVERYONE KNOWS AND LOVES!!
[???:] Oh, Farley darling. You‘re just too charming sometimes. You need to realize there are dangerous people in this world. People that are out to get you. You’re too naive. You of all should know this, you’ve been here far longer than any of us have.
[FARLEY:] BUT STARRYYYYY HES A FRIEND!!!
[???:] EVERYONE is your friend!!
…
[???:] You know, darling, that you mean a lot to me. I just want to make sure you’re not doing something regretful. There are serious consequences to these things. I would know. You cannot just… go around and forgive everyone.
[FARLEY:] BUT THAT’S THE THING, MISTA STARRY!!!!! HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THE CONSEQUENCES!! HE CAN’T BE A BAD GUY IF HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HES DOIN’!!!! HES…. HES AN INNOCENT LITTLE PIECE OF DOUGH, NOT EVEN FULLY BAKED YET!!
…
[???:] We’ll talk about it.
[FARLEY:] OH PLEASE OH PLEASE, CMON DUSTY GAL!!! DUSTY!!!! STAAAAAARRRYDUSTY!!!!!! STARRY STARRY STARRY STARRY
[???:] I HAVE EARS!! …
[???:]…I apologize. I did not mean to raise my voice. It is just…
Farley cocked his head in confusion, floating into the air and perching on the other figures outstretched finger.
[???:] You are a very dear little critter to me, Farley. I just want you to be careful.
[FARLEY:] I AM CAREFUL!! CAREFUL AS COULD BE!!! STARRY, I HAVE EXPERIENCE BEYOND YOUR WORMLY YEARS!!! YA GOTTA TRUST YOUR FRIEND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE AND NOT WORRY YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD OFF!!
[???:] I do listen, Farley! I listen to you all the time! And you help me so much, and I couldn’t be more grateful. But I’m just suggesting, don’t rush into rash ideas so quickly! You live life on your toes, jumping at everything you see! A little caution never hurt anyone.
[FARLEY:] OH STARRY. How you’ve changed.
[va: hello? are you there, mr dusty?]
.…
[???:] Farley.
[FARLEY:] YESSIM’?
[???:] What was that. Little noise.
[FARLEY:] MY HANDY DANDY I POD THAT IM TRYING TO GET BACK TO GRIMEY WIMEY, IF YOU WOULD LET ME!!!!!
[???:] Pardon?
[???:] Farley, you are TALKING to someone on that..?
[FARLEY:] THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!! EVERYONE OVER THERE LOVES ME SOOOOO MUCH!!!
[???:] …
[???:] Farley, dear, if you could bring that little contraption over here.
[va: mmmmm would rather not, actually!]
[???:] Oh, dear listener.
[???:] Now, what makes you think you‘re in control here..?
[va: HI HELLO A FEW QUESTIONS FIRST, DO YOU HAVE EVIL INTENTIONS WITH THIS DEVICE AND SECOND, WHO ARE YOU?]
[???:] Calm yourself down, sweetheart. Evil intentions? Darling, I just learned of this things existence minutes ago. I assure you I mean no harm.
They laughed a low, smooth laugh. Ear candy. The air smelled like raspberries.
[FARLEY:] YEAH, SLOW DOWN BUCKAROONIE!!! STARRY IS NOTHING OF THE SORT!!! ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CERTIFIED FRIENDLEE!!
[???:] And who am I? What a silly question.
The figure petted Farley under the chin.
[???:] Farley, darling, you need a better audience.
[???:] I suppose if you little darlings out there really don’t know who I am, they should be introduced.
[FARLEY:] OOOOH, YES YES YES!!!! MAKE IT A GOOD ONE, MISTAH!!!!
[???:] Luckily, good introductions are my specialty. Ahem.
Suddenly, all the lights shut off. Then slowly, one by one, star shaped spotlights shot on at the ceiling, then moved down, stars covering every surface. Music seemed to come out of nowhere. The scent of raspberries got even stronger. Farley twirled around in the air in awe, then landed again on the figure’s hand. They cracked a dramatically perfected smile, one that anyone can tell they had done countless times in front of millions of people. The room, which was hard to tell the layout of since it was littered in starlight, seemed to have a tall, imposing throne in the middle, with star points at the top.
And sitting in it was the star of the show.
“Welcome, darling viewers, watchers from all around the world, to a show you’ll never forget with the most beloved entertainer this side of the universe-“
-THE WONDERFUL DEWEY STARDUST!!!!!!
[va: THATS SO COOL I LIKE YOU]
[DEWEY:] Thank you, darling! I like all of my fans too, you included. I hope we all get off to a good start, where you are all not, ahem. Afraid of me.
Dewey laughs jokingly, but there seems to be a tinge of seriousness hidden under their smooth voice.
[va: So, Dewey, are you like, the police chief or something? I wouldn’t think you have a throne for nothing!]
Dewey blinks, then throws their head back in laughter.
[DEWEY:] Oh, heavens no!! Those ruffians!! If I could live the rest of my life without seeing one of them I would be quite happy!! Those fellows are too rough and cruel. Always looking for someone to get in trouble. It really irks me.
Dewey continued to inspect the device, talking as he went.
[DEWEY:] It wasn’t always like this, but we had to employ the Scarletstar guard to make sure everything went smoothly. This is a huge city, after all, and I cannot deny that crime occurs here.
He looks disappointed, looking off into the corner of the room.
[DEWEY:] I am just the… figurehead of sorts. They run themselves. But I do control lots of the decisions that happen here, unrelated to the guard. The throne, though, is just for show. Just a set piece. Because, well, if you’re the star of the city, why not have something to show for it?
[va: oh wow dewey stardust you look cool as hell hi]
[DEWEY:] Why, thank you, starlight! I’m flattered!!
[va: how do you two glow in the dark by the way? whenever the light flickers off we can still see your teeth and eyes, it’s neat]
[FARLEY:] WITH FARLEY POWER!!!!!! A LITTLE QUIRK OF BEING LITTLE OL ME!!! STARRY GETS SOME TOO BECAUSE SHES REELY COOL
[DEWEY:] What he said.
[DEWEY:] …And some glow in the dark paint.